Insecurity In Virginity

Dead body
dead weight
motionless face
shifting her weight
mounting my body,
for an excursion to Neverland,
like she just got her license
to sin in a sleepy town.
My breath quickens
the rise and fall of my chest
bursts into gasps
like toothpicks
pulling me apart at the seams,
words hanging under a vapor,
gaslighting what makes sense.
She left a metaphor hanging
in the stillness of a solitude prospect of solace
first comes heavy breathing,
then kissing my neck,
incessantly staring at the ceiling;
losing our clothes,
giving into blank spaces of euphoria
losing control
losing my insecurity
lowering my guard,
tearing apart my bed,
ripping up a crumpled-up
note of breaking up
squeezing my hands black and blue
tangled in bedsheets.
We indulged in twisted desires.
Innocence flowed through our veins,
cascading waves of dopamine,
embracing me
as if coming home
from a long flight
mumbling inaudible moans
dead skin cells shed with friction
burns infatuation to knots.
Not being what I want
is what she sought
as an afterthought.
We viewed the other
as a fixer-upper.
Someone in need of affection,
if only for morbid satisfaction.
The green of her oval eyes
lit the horizon with the
silver moon sparkling.
We entered my bedroom,
closing the distance between us,
exploring each other’s body
without a map.
The terrain sent chills
the length of my spine,
losing track of seconds
her body shook through time
after time, taking what’s hers and mine;
the way I saw myself reunited
with a loaded complex
she cocked and pulled it.
She moaned
and her eyes rolled back
as if demon-possessed
words escaped her lips,
words I hadn’t heard before (or since)
she came to a screeching halt
pulling the damp strands off her long, dark hair
from her sunburned face.
“Oh my God, that was awesome,” she says
crawling off my body, flipping on the light,
shoving her feet in her skinny jeans
wet blood drips from my hands
“What the fuck is this?”
“It always happens the first time.”
“I gotta get home before dinner.”
She blew me a kiss and closed
the door behind her.
I sit up in my bed
My dead mouth hung open,
not closing,
settling into a sheepish grin.

Twitter – @AC0040

(© 2022 AC)

(WattpadAmazon KindleSpillwordsThe Writers Club)

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